Karl Rove admits to finally takes off his girdle

....Admits industrial strength foundation garments have been the true secret to his success as he throws passive aggressive brickbats over his shoulder to his former employer. No fool this Rove.



But how could a girdle possibly change the world you ask?



The firm squeezing of the girdle make Spankz seem limp and lame. We are talking old school truss, real militant lift and separating action. Let's face it. When you are relaxed, man boobs swaying gently in the breeze, gelatinous belly joyfully sprung, able to slouch and slump at will, dark plots just don't emanate with the same urgency. Think Jimmy Buffet or Jack Black. Those brothers aren't hatching world takeovers. They are just too darn comfortable.


Now when you have your man girdle on - you are loaded for bear - you're in a state of stiff frustrated Machiavellian readiness; naturally, discomfort + testosterone x power = a virtual sludge factory of dark schemes and geopolitical domination.


Plots bubble up and ooze over, squeezed out of your erect tight man tube like some vile anchovy paste ready to spread all over your Rove world pizza pie.


I know Karl; you're not really all that sorry about the food poisoning most of us got since we ate at least a slice or two (Iraq with onions, Katrina fontina, deep dish corruption, fake news thin crust), but on the bright side, without your girdle you can now eat as much of your own creation as you like and feel just as sick as the rest of us.